Frustration: Thy Name is Life
Well, I thought January was a bum month, but when it spilled into February… well shit just ain’t fair.
We all know about my original drama from January: bitches and coke heads – good. Done and done.
Since then I have lost my job, hospitalized Sammy and basically got grim news about his furry future. Sad. The lay off happened on February 1st, despite getting a heads up on January 31. With that 24 hours notice I was able to contact everyone I knew with possible connections and thanks to a few fine folks I secured a temp job starting on the following Monday. Great.
Here I am a week and a half later and the phone hasn’t rung. No one is calling me for interviews. If history is any indicator, this shit is going to take forever… but I don’t have forever. I don’t like to be idle when it comes to work. So as I walked across the WB lot to get lunch, my head and heart heavy with thoughts of Sammy it also hit me that this temp job is just that – temp. I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I don’t have anything lined up. I’m silently panicking from the inside out and it is killing me. Everything in my life has gone off track at the same time. This may be good, but right now it’s bad.
I have complaints and complaints about everything but no one wants to hear them and dammit I don’t need to repeat myself.
It’s just hard to not cry when you are thisclose to losing (or having lost) everything that was important in your life. Okay, maybe not everything, but somethings. My last job was the dream job – what I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do. I thought I’d grow with the company and move up and move on, but no… And now Sammy, my beloved furry gentleman. I got him during hard times in 2004. I was out of work then too. It’s as if my livelihood came with him and is being taken if/when he goes.
How terrible it is to love something death can touch.
I don’t think I can handle any more bad news right now. I just need a little bit of sunlight alot of hugs and a bit of understanding that people know I’m knee deep in Shit Creek right now… but I’m trying. I’m trying…
I need a break in all senses of the word, cause while I put up a strong face I really am just hanging on at my wit’s end right now.