This is not a love letter. This is a wish. A wish for happiness, contentment and my own fulfillment.
I sit here by the fire and wish there was someone to spend the time with. Someone to sit by the fake fire and feel real feelings. Real closeness. Real energy. Realness.
I am tired of hiding behind the facade that it doesn’t faze me that love hasn’t found me but its the face I am most familiar with. I just want to find someone who cares to get to know even the darkest corners of me. Someone who knows who I am and why I do what I do. Why I act the way I act. Someone to pull me off the edge of misery when I feel like I have nothing to offer.
I want someone. Not just anyone. Someone who is willing to invest time in me. Someone who knows it won’t come easy and it will be a fight… But nonetheless a fight worth fighting.
I have a lot to offer. I listen. I care. I relate. I will remember little facts you gloss over or something you mention offhandedly. I care enough to listen to not just the words you’re saying but what the really mean to you. I brush it off for whatever reason, but I really do invest a lot of myself in the people I truly care about.
Firstly, there is my BFF. Everyone knows Kmoy. Even people who don’t know her personally, people know who she is because she is the bestest of friends there ever was. If there ever was someone perpetually in my corner, it is her. I thank my lucky stars I sat behind her, alphabetically, in art class in ninth grade. It has been over ten years – over fifteen even – we have been friends and we talk on a daily basis. I need someone in my life that I know is right there, has my back just like my BFF.
Love is one of those confounding things that no one really has the answer for or the best tricks and tips to succeed. It’s a crapshoot. It’s a series of hits and misses until you find someone that completes you. Someone that understands in a glance that something is wrong. Someone who can say with their eyes they are not okay and you know how to fix that with a word, a gesture a simple touch.
We all have people in our lives we feel things for and we know its not always the bed scenarios. Everyone knows I get attached and connect myself to feelings I may not even have with the exact wrong people in the world… But I think it’s about time someone rolls along that listens and actually cares. Someone who will come out for me even if its inconvenient because they know I’m hurting. Someone who is willing to go that extra mile, or two, to show they love me enough to do so.
I’m not asking for roses or a grand gesture, but I want a girl who will relate to me. I’m a beer drinking, television loving, easy going girl. I want someone who will make an effort to relate to me. Drink my beer. Watch a show I like. Try something I recommend…. Knowing full well I would do the same for her. A girl who will look me in the eyes as if she’s looking through me. Into me. Into my heart and smiling a simple smile that I know she’s actually present and with me. Not someone whose mind is off while we hang out, not giving a shit what I have to say.
A lot can be said about that long extended look into someone’s eyes. It can be unnerving. It can be off-putting. It can be the sexiest thing ever, as well. Looking at someone, trying to steal a glance and seeing they are already looking at you. It sends a shiver of happiness to the core.
I tell a lot of people a lot of things but the are few people I tell everything to. I want someone in my life I can share everything with. Someone who knows my secrets and loves me anyway. Someone who will see pas the flaws to this glued together soul that I am.
I’m pretty awesome. Delightful. Smart. Charming. One day someone will see all that. Someone who will see. Am the real deal. A full package. They will take me and unwrap me. We will melt together. Synchronized. That’s what I want. Love. Real, true, unbiased sweet love. It may not be fireworks, but sometimes a real fire takes a lot of kindling to burn into greatness.